I got an email recently from Brian Jensen, the head of C&W’s Corporate Communications for the Americas. He said D CEO’s RealPoints website, for which I am a regular contributor, was looking for a 2013 predictions piece.
Can we be honest here? Predictions are silly things, don’t you think? Personally, I have never paid them much attention because nobody ever gets things right. But after giving it some thought, and since I was asked, I figured it was my God-given right as an American to be just as wrong as the next guy when it comes to predicting what is going to happen in the months ahead. So here goes. My five predictions for 2013 are …
First, I decided it would be smart to see what other predictors are predicting. So I did some homework. In summary, based on what the Internet turned up, things aren’t looking so great. I read about runaway inflation, political scandals, long-term layoffs and labor unrest, bankruptcies, soaring mortgage foreclosures, and rioting between the rich and the poor. But about that time, I figured I’d learned enough about what it took to end the NHL Lockout.
So I closed that page and found other sites predicting food and drinking water shortages, satellite disruption due to unprecedented solar flare storms, disease, pestilence, and rampant references to Honey-Boo-Boo, among other unpleasantries. In fact, based on what I read, 2013 will make Les Miserables look like a slap-stick comedy. On a side note, before I saw Les Miz, I’d heard Russell Crowe can’t sing. That is not the case. He can sing and does so with vigor throughout the movie. He just can’t sing very well. I predict others will agree. There, that’s one.
For my second prediction, I think some background may be useful. On December 30, at 10:04 p.m., the RealPoints people announced that Susan Arledge had 2012’s “No. 1 contributing editor post at RealPoints with her column on looming federal tax increases.”
First, congratulations to Susan. I read her piece and found it illuminating, well-written, and well-researched. Second, are we really supposed to believe someone was at D’s office at 10:04 p.m., just waiting to press the send button and publish this announcement? Really?
And then finally, I was equal parts depressed and bewildered that I didn’t even make the top 10 list! Listen, people: I thought I’d written some really good stuff, like why data centers won’t be using raised floors in the future, how to use the word ‘No’ to your greatest advantage, how the sales game rules are changing, guidelines for making smart decisions, and why turnkey deals are not always a good idea. I mean, five blogs altogether and I couldn’t even tally more hits than my good friend, Mike Wyatt, and his one story about Urban Armadillos.
Bitter? Okay, maybe so. But I predict my bitterness will not last because this blog is going to launch me way up the tally board. There, that’s two.
For my next prediction, I need to take you to Hawaii, where my wife and I spent our holidays a couple weeks ago. No, I am not bragging about going to the Islands, but feel free to take it that way if it makes you feel better. It’s just that my youngest son, Lukas, is a freshman at SMU and is a member of its marching band. The band was part of the bunch that went to Honolulu for the Hawaii Bowl.
Just FYI: SMU was a 12-point underdog to Fresno State. But honestly, most fans I talked to before the game didn’t think it would be that close. So dim were our prospects of a Pony victory, I considered printing up tee shirts for the Hilltop faithful reading: “Win or lose, at least we get to go back to Dallas.”
For those who haven’t had the pleasure of visiting Fresno, think Beaumont without all the cultural attractions and botanical gardens. I predict Fresno will not improve its image any time soon, and that all talk of the school’s QB winning a Heisman will stop now and forever more. (The Ponies beat the Bulldogs 43-10.) There, that’s three plus a little bonus.
And then next, I recently stumbled on a show called Doomsday Preppers. Apparently, this demographic, which breathes the same oxygen we all do, believes the end is near, and they’ve decided that burying themselves in underground bunkers is the way to ride things out. Just an observation: I think a certain WWII dictator had the same idea, but y’all know how that worked out for him.
Well, there was this one guy they featured who lives now with his wife and three kids in Orange County, Calif. His plan? When all hell breaks loose, he and the family will hop on their bicycles and peddle their way out of Armageddon. I am not kidding; that’s his plan. Lest you think he’s crazy, though, they’ve also already rented and provisioned storage spaces along their route where they can stop each day and stock up.
Now, where do you suppose a family from California plans to go when the end of days occurs? If you guessed Texas, you were right. They’ve mapped out a bike route from Orange County, Calif. to Texas.
And this leads to my next prediction: if all hell does indeed break loose this year, all of you reading this blog will count your blessings. You’re already in Texas and don’t have to get here on the back of a Huffy. There, that’s four.
Oh, and the Cowboys will miss the playoffs. That’s five.